CircleBridge bookCreate trustworthy conditions
The Touchstones are more than posted rules. Their meaning emerges through practice: hospitality includes receiving welcome; presence includes vulnerability as well as attention; invitation protects autonomy. Resisting the urge to fix makes room for another person’s insight. Wonder turns attention both toward the speaker’s experience and toward one’s own reaction. Silence and confidentiality support trust. The authors distinguish advice that is genuinely requested from advice that takes over someone else’s story. In applying these ideas, clearly name the setting and its responsibilities so participants know what privacy and participation mean there.
A practice to try
Choose one Touchstone for a week. Note one moment each day when you practiced it and one moment when it was difficult. Invite a colleague to reflect with you.
School or classroom
Use invitations and genuine questions during reflective discussion, with space to pass.
University or college
Practice presence in advising before moving to practical academic guidance.
Organization or community
Open a meeting with a brief agreement about listening and personal stories, and model it.
Reflection questions from the book
Welcoming and Presence
Reflect on a time when someone extended a genuine welcome to you or when you did the same for others. How did that experience shape the tone of your interaction or relationship? Similarly, think about a time when you struggled to be fully present. What made it difficult, and how might you practice being more present in the future?
Invitation vs. Demand
The touchstone “What is offered in the circle is by invitation, not demand” highlights the importance of autonomy in interactions. Reflect on an experience where you felt invited rather than pressured, or vice versa. How did that shape your engagement? How can you incorporate this principle into your personal or professional life?
Navigating Differences with Respect
The touchstone “Speak your truth in ways that respect other people’s truths” challenges us to share authentically while honoring differences. Think of a time when you navigated a conversation with someone whose perspective differed significantly from yours. What strategies did you use to maintain respect, and what could you do differently next time?
Turning to Wonder and the Inner Teacher
Reflect on a moment when you faced judgment or defensiveness in a conversation. How might turning to wonder (e.g., “I wonder what brought them to this belief?”) have changed your reaction? Additionally, how do you currently attend to your inner teacher, and what practices could help you strengthen that connection?
Companion guidance by Scott Simpson and Sharla Steever. Consult the book alongside these resources; activities and summaries do not replace the complete book.