CircleBridge bookListen without endorsing
The distinction between listening and agreeing creates room for a more honest encounter. A leader can hear how someone arrived at a belief without endorsing that belief or abandoning responsibility for equitable decisions. Turning to wonder helps interrupt immediate judgment and makes it possible to ask what experience, fear, or expectation is present. Shawn’s story also examines minimization: common ground may open a conversation, but it does not settle every question about whose needs are being overlooked.
A practice to try
Recall one disagreement. Write what you heard, what you assumed, and what you still need to understand. Ask one genuine question before explaining your position. After listening, state your own responsibility clearly.
School or classroom
In a family conference, invite the caregiver’s account of the issue before proposing a school response.
University or college
Distinguish understanding a disputed perspective from assessing the evidence or making an institutional decision.
Organization or community
Open a contentious meeting with listening, then name the decision criteria and who is accountable for the outcome.
Reflection questions from the book
Navigating Community and Personal Values
Shawn described the tension he felt between his inclusive values, shaped by his upbringing, and the cultural biases he encountered in his community and leadership roles. Reflect on a time when your personal values clashed with the environment or community you were part of. How did you handle that tension? Were there moments when you felt compelled to compromise or stand firm? How did those decisions shape your perspective?
Leadership and Minimization
Shawn’s early placement in minimization reflected his leadership approach of maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict. How have you seen minimization play out in leadership or decision-making roles you’ve experienced? In what ways might smoothing over differences be helpful or harmful in fostering inclusivity and understanding? How can leaders balance the need for harmony with the importance of acknowledging and addressing differences?
Listening Without Endorsing
Shawn learned the distinction between listening to understand and agreeing with others’ beliefs, a skill he found transformative. Think about a time when you listened to someone whose perspective you strongly disagreed with. What was the experience like, and how did it affect your understanding of their viewpoint? How can you apply the concept of “listening without endorsing” in your personal or professional life to create more meaningful conversations?
Turning to Wonder and Leading by Example
Shawn emphasized the importance of “turning to wonder” by asking, “Why might this person feel this way?” instead of reacting with frustration or judgment. Reflect on a recent situation where you felt frustrated or misunderstood someone’s behavior. How might turning to curiosity have changed your reaction or the outcome of the situation? How can you incorporate this approach into your daily interactions, especially in moments of conflict or misunderstanding?
Companion guidance by Scott Simpson and Sharla Steever. Consult the book alongside these resources; activities and summaries do not replace the complete book.